who the fuck tagged pancake nipples on my profile picture?
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i woke up the next morning in a pool of blood in my bathroom and a pinata donkeys head in my bed
so much for an anticlimactic 22nd birthday
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
If you fall asleep, my vagina and I will never forgive you.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
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