Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I don't think my ego could take a straight man out-cooking me.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
yea i guess its safe to say fire extinguishers are not synonymous with whip cream cans
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
I told him to send me a dick snap for my birthday. To personalize it, he drew a candle coming out of the tip of it so I could blow it out.
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
There are leaves in my underwear?
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