this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
She started doing push ups and calling me a pussy. Never set me up with your ROTC friends again.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
Randomize
