Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
My wrist bandage is guacamole stained. What an accurate representation of my life as a whole
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
You've never even broken a bone. You singlehandedly disprove natural selection
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
