Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
You're tall, so I have high hopes for your dick.
Last night was incredible. I can tell by the nacho cheese on my jacket
I'm totally going to bang the cable guy tonight. I'm so pumped
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
On a brighter more disgusting note...... I think I just shart myself but I'm too afraid to find out.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
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