i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My student's should feel privledged to see me tuesday after the amount of alcohol I consumed this weekend.
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
She got stuck in the front door. She never told me how or why.
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
Randomize
