I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The chick who threw the party was all pissed cause she thought I made out with her boyfriend. Admittedly, I did, but she was throwing up and crying at the time so she really can't be that mad.
You insisted on going outside so you could "breathe real air".
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
Randomize
