I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
