so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
YOU WOULD BE SEEING ME. IN MY KITCHEN. BENDING OVER MY OVEN. MAKING YOU CAKE.
Wait, that's an option?
I love how my phone automatically capitalizes Margarita. R-e-s-p-e-c-t.
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
Randomize
