I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Babysitting for someone you accidently sent nudies to is so fucking awkward.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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