if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Randomize