I'm playing musical beds - it's not very fun
I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
I hit a bug from across the room with my flip flop boomerang style. That awesome.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
My house smells like bleach. Also, I do not feel bad about all the stuff I stole from the hospital while I was there.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
No one wants to start their day off with bloody lemons and a tampon in the toilet. Wtf.
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
