He asked me if I "almost moaned"
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
you tried to fill your inhaler with vodka
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
