real busy. everything is packed. thats why we ended up at the strip club
Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
just so you know, you can get through airport security with handcuffs no questions asked
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Just watched my entire extended family eat salad out of the bowl i threw up in last night.
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
really enjoying the fact I don't remember how the staff party ended. feel like I need to shame drink today
feel at noon?
Randomize
