I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
Does anyone know who that girl who fell backwards and broke the shoe rack with her head was?
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
You're emotionally mature, right? I said you were.
I have at least four things in my line of sight that have Kermit the Frog on them in my dorm. Does that answer your question?
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I'm not too sure what happened last night, but by the looks of it, we must have gotten drunk with zebras.
Randomize
