Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I am kinda proud of you, its like seeing my slutty baby take its first step
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
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