i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
We agreed on being friends w/ benefits. Lets see if that really happens.
Ok, so that was not supposed to go to u, my bad. I feel horrible.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
I'm not sure that our 12-years-ago-high-school-"relationship," and 179 texts in the last 4 hours is gonna be enough to squeeze a naked smartphone picture of me. I'm gonna need some chicken wings or Makers Mark before that starts happening.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We really shouldn't need this many nicknames for the women you've had sex with.
Apparently at some point last night someone gave me tequila. There was a few shots left when I woke up so that was breakfast. This is a good birthday
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
