Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
I don't know how I feel about the stuff we got from that guy. Me and Monty are driving through town listening to static at full blast...
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
not ubering you a puppy
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Randomize
