i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
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