I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Randomize