Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I booty called her while she was in labor.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
I used that money i stole from the stripper last night to pay for my date tonight.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that he can say will you fuck me in so many languages or that I'm turned on because of that
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
Randomize
