I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
he's hot he just has too much baggage, and has really fucking skinny ankles which freaks me out
you aren't having sex with his ankles, As long as knee caps and above are good, i'd go for it
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
