Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
when she said she would show you her other bow, she ment she wanted you to bend her over and see the tattoo on her lower back you idiot
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
Not as much as my roommate, who is in the middle of one of the pictures throwing a lawn chair at a cop car lol.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I mean, I let him sleep with me after we both ate taco bell sober... That's kinda like love, right?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
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