New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
No i peed with you in the toilet. The guy I high fived was mid pee in front of the urinal
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
I walked from the hotel to the club with a pint of tequila in my boot. Poured some in a homeless woman's mouth when she asked for change. I've hit rock bottom.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
Had to lock my cat in the bathroom so I could masturbate in peace.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
Randomize
