you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
You also proposed and then tried to jack me off
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
you know you're doing something right when your drug dealer insists on hugging you before you leave.
Randomize
