Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
im sober playing flip cup. its like cheating.
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
Sorry I didn't wanna double team his sister. Having whiskey dick and watching you get laid didn't sound appealing
now that im off birth control, the world is a much scarier place
i put his shirt in a ziplock bag to preserve his smell
please tell me you are kidding me
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
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