i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
Shark Week may as well be Shark Weed.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
Is it socially acceptable to order two burrito bowls?
anything's socially acceptable if you do it with enough confidence
she told me i tasted like america
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
So the other day we finished having sex and he literally said "what are we going to do about your vagina?" Like, I hadn't even dismounted him yet.
Randomize
