so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Your little brother is asking me for an "expert opinion" on his dick size.
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
My ex's new girlfriends ex boyfriend is getting me my nipples pierced for Valentine's Day so who's the real winner here
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
So... I sharted on the plane. It was hard to maintain my composure and acted offended at the same time. I hate you for not cutting me off last night.
Randomize
