Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
Just say its a British thing. They wont know Its not. And if they say you're not British, proposition them for a post-sex game of cricket.
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
