I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
Watching tv. She's giving me head and she hates it when I watch her.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
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