My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Is this a genuine concern or are you just high?
JUST BECAUSE I'M HIGH DOESN'T MEAN ITS NOT GENUINE CONCERN.
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize