2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Totally just met the chick getting nailed in our lobby last night. Should I bring it up?
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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