sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Sexting is killing my work productivity but it's okay because I'm self-employed
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I can't believe we broke the fucking lamp.
*i* can't believe believe we broke the lamp fucking.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
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