the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
I'm at a loss. By loss I mean singing songs from Wicked and pretending I'm at the Oscars
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
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