so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
Well still if someone cared enough about u to wish an unwanted child or a disease on u ..u must have been doing something right
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
She called to say the cops were not fake cops. some one has to go get her in an hour
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
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