I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
So I've decided to grow a vagina forest. Because I'm single and it's like a zen garden. Brings a new meaning to long hair don't care.
he also bled all over my floor. unrelated to cats but true nonetheless.
You stared at the ground for like 20 minutes willing yourself to get sober
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
If I ever look like I'm about to have a repeat of last night, hit me. Just smack me as hard as you can.
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Bought a gym bag tonight. Used it to bring my Taco Bell in the house.
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
I just gave my boss a blowjob. underneath his desk at work. that promotion is mine!
Randomize
