nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
This isn't the rejection hotline, is it?
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
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