You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
don't blame me for your drunken lack of judgement
big words... still drunk. dont care. your fault.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
This is worse then when all the pharmacists sang me happy birthday while I was buying plan b
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
where the fuck are you? she just tazed two people and we're tripping shrooms...successful first night in new apartment!
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
