its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
If I wanted to fuck someone, I'd go for John. I'm meeting Bryan cuz I wanna get to know him better. And eventually fuck him. But not this Tuesday.
I'm so horny
I have no idea who this is, but I'm up for a lecture on self-respect
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Randomize
