im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
We've been together for 10 months. These next 2 may be a deal breaker. He has not met the summertime version of me that is so hungover today that I cancelled a meeting with my boss right after she sent me an appreciation note saying I have great work ethic. I have her fooled.
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