I could have mohawked her pubes.
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Woke up on the floor with my glow stick in one hand & dollar bills in the other. Good. Morning.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
High gym went like this: I went to Dairy Queen instead.
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
I just wiped my butthole and there was glitter down there.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
