i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Did you see the soccer ref give that girl the red card as she was being kicked out of the party?
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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