her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I also was calling every child by their name "Birthcontrol" - straight people are fun
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
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