I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
And for your info. Don't pee outside with glow sticks. People will still see you.
Good thing you didnt wake up last night. Wouldve found me naked talking to my closet asking to borrow my towel.
It was romantic. He brought over a bottle of Jack to celebrate us becoming official on Facebook. Definitely a story for the grandkids.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Ryan got so drunk he gave a hobo $20 and I had to zip tie him to the bed so he doesn't out stupid himself
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
You casually put your finger in my ass and other people are weird..
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
