yes i saw that this morning. it was my mailbox.
He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Apparently HR frowns upon current employees introducing themselves to the new employee as "Hi I'm sleeping with your cousin"
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I can still be you friend and be there for you. And sometimes get drunk and fuck you.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I didn't think you were that drunk until you were trying to rub your foot on my vag under the table at the thai place.
Randomize