So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Excuse me while I download incredibly disturbing porn until I'm more ashamed of myself than of my country.
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
I'm currently sitting beside my brother who is taking a bath and feeding him nachos while he covers his genitals. If that's not sibling bonding then I don't know what is
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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