if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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