dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
they were having a wine tasting so i tasted every wine...then knocked over an entire display of gourmet olives and was asked to leave... but they still let me buy my 6 bottles of wine before escorting me out
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
For future reference, when he drunkenly screams "YOUR MOTHER SUCKS COCKS IN HELL," he means that he's about to throw up. Invest in a bucket.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
I can’t believe I made out with a flat earther and didn’t know about it until now!
Randomize