I just wanted to let you know that if you dont tell me to stop texting i will still keep on trying, you matter to me
restraining order is on its way, crazy bitch
If facebook stalking was a job I would totally pown it
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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