First off: I'm drunk so fuck you. Second: you weren't a bad girlfriend. Tres: thats 3 in spanish. Number 4: fuck 3 Doors Down
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
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