Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Hot Italian guy literally came into my logic class just to get my number to study with me and left. America.
Somebody really needs to come home and pick up the used condom from the middle of the wood room floor. It's blue, if that helps decide who comes - uh, home.
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
