Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I just used celery as a chaser. That's the level of my refrigerator.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Get in your clown car, pick up everyone you know, and head to the park. drunk Sledding grand prix tonight. winner takes home the leftover beer
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Be careful, there is sex in the air.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
Randomize
