Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Randomize
