Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
He asked if he could fuck me while on chat roulette.
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
He offered me a trade. He'll come sober to my parents 25th anniversary dinner if I let him tie me up for an hour.
Update. bondage is a lot harder than it looks.
I'm shaving my vagina to the lion king soundtrack. How's your 9am?
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
He started planning our future mid-hookup. You tell me how my night was.
I was not drunk enough for that final.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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