and she's shaped like a lego person so that's not happening
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
My roommates said duck dynasty was stupid ... toto i don't believe we're in kansas anymore.
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
Steve, that episode of cops where your dealer rear-ended that family is on again.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I walked in describing her boobs thinking I was talking to you only to hear dad say 'I remember when your moms were like that'. ALWAYS tell me when they get home early. Always
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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