Tell her she can't have a vagina
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
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