matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
The mexican place next the the funeral home has dollar margaritas, our grandfather would want us to act on this... trust me i know.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
