I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Randomize
