everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
So many people have lost their virginity on my futon... I think it is only the right thing to bronze it and put it on display
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
well someone pooped in the lint basket in the laundry room last night, but none of us will admit to it so we're all just secretly judging each other and doubting ourselves.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
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