Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
And all I wanted you to do is stand there and sing who let the dogs out.
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Blackout me just wants to pee on sober me's dreams. Literally.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
We broke my graduation cords last night when we used them to tie each other up during sex last night
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
