a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
I'm on a mission to free the leash kids. Like liberating the Israelites from Egypt. Only better.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Sorry my hands just texted you
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
Randomize
