last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Apparently, "please don't I have to be in court tomorrow" is not a valid excuse for a girl to abstain from giving a massive hickey.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
He was calculating the number of ceiling tiles when I was on top it was fucking rain man.
Randomize
