I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Please return the baby Jesus and sheep to the quad
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
Less talking, more tequila
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
I AM VODKA MAN
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
