Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
